Flexible Bedtime – When Is It Okay To Push For A Later Bedtime?

Many parents are surprised when I tell them that their 6 month old’s bedtime likely won’t change much until sometime in elementary school. This inevitably leads to questions about a flexible bedtime.

Is it okay to go out to dinner once a week and be out past his bedtime?

How often can I push the bedtime later before we run into a problem?

When can her bedtime be more flexible and how flexible can it be?

Every child is different when it comes to their ability to be flexible with their bedtime. Children who have more sensitive sleep needs may struggle with with even one night of going to bed just 30-45 minutes later than they typically would – the effects being visible the next day or even for a couple of days. Then there are children who can easily bounce back from a night or two a week with a later bedtime.

I have one of both. My 5.5 year old has flexibility in the 7-7:30 P.M. window. This small window of flexibility is a recent development – for years there was no flexibility past 7 P.M. If she’s down after 7:30 P.M., however, I’ll notice the effects (irritability and impulse control) for 1-2 days. My 4 year old on the other hand, can go to bed at 8 P.M. every once in a while and she’ll sleep in and be totally fine the next day.

How do you know your child’s ability to have an occasional flexible bedtime?

Trial and Error.

First, figure out what their ideal bedtime is and consistently put them down at their ideal bedtime. When you are confident they are well-rested, start to test the bedtime a bit.

Go out to dinner and put them down 30 minutes later than normal. Do they sleep in the next morning or at least sleep until their regular wake time? Or do they wake even earlier than normal? If they wake even earlier, that’s a sign that your child may not do very well with a flexible bedtime. Was your child really irritable the next day? It’s those irritable days when I start asking myself about whether or not our little evening outing was worth it.

You may find that your child can handle a later night here or there with no trouble, but two nights in one week is the tipping point and that’s when they start to struggle. The only way to learn about your child’s bandwidth for bedtime flexibility is to experiment from time to time.

If you try a later bedtime a one or two times and the verdict is that your child needs to be in bed by 7 P.M. or the wheels fall off, stay consistent with their bedtime for a few months and then you can try another evening out. If the effects are visible the next day, go with an early bedtime that night and then back to your consistent bedtime.