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Is your child’s crib or bed overflowing with loveys, stuffed animals, and comfort items? Or maybe you’re wondering when it’s okay to introduce a lovey, or whether your big kid is too old to still sleep with one.

In this episode, pediatric sleep coach Allison Egidi answers your most common questions about loveys and toddler sleep. She explains how many loveys she recommends keeping in your child’s crib or bed, why too many can become a bedtime distraction, how to stop the “lovey fetch” game, and why soft comfort items should stay in the sleep space.

Allison also shares practical tips for choosing a lovey, keeping a backup, traveling with a lovey, and preventing that beloved comfort item from getting lost. And if your eight-, ten-, or even older child still sleeps with a lovey? Allison explains why she’s firmly Team Lovey and sees no reason to rush them out of something that brings comfort at bedtime.

If your child has a favorite blanket, stuffed animal, or other special sleep companion, this episode will help you keep the lovey situation simple, and prevent it from becoming another source of bedtime battles.

In This Episode:
— How many loveys should your child have?
— When is it safe to introduce a lovey?
— Why Allison recommends one to three loveys
— Why too many stuffed animals can create bedtime distractions
— How to stop the “lovey fetch” game
— What makes a good lovey
— Should you have a backup lovey?
— Tips for traveling with your child’s lovey
— What to do if your child’s favorite lovey gets lost
— How long should a child sleep with a lovey?
— Why there’s no need to rush your child out of their comfort item

Chapter Markers:
00:00 – Life update: A microburst, two totaled cars & car shopping
02:48 – Today’s topic: All things loveys
04:11 – What is a lovey?
04:51 – When can you introduce a lovey?
06:43 – Can your child have too many loveys?
07:17 – Why Allison recommends 1–3 loveys
09:01 – Soft items only: Why hard toys don’t belong in bed
10:14 – Why the lovey should ideally stay in the bed
12:40 – How to stop the “Lovey Fetch” game
13:59 – How to choose a good lovey
15:42 – Should you have a backup lovey?
16:00 – Traveling with a lovey
17:00 – What happens when the beloved lovey gets lost?
19:07 – Making sure the lovey comes home from vacation
19:50 – Is your child too old for a lovey?
22:14 – Why Allison is Team Lovey for as long as they want it
22:55 – The lovey rules to remember
23:40 – This is one parenting problem you don’t need to solve

Wondering if your child is getting enough sleep? Allison’s free guides take the guesswork out of bedtime. Learn the optimal sleep ranges for every age so your little one can feel their best—day after day. Get your free copy now: 0-2 Years Old or 3 to 10 years old

From baby sleep to toddler sleep, daycare naps to sleep training—How Long ’Til Bedtime? is the podcast for parents who want practical, guilt-free sleep tips they can actually use.

Hosted by pediatric sleep coach Allison Egidi, each episode delivers real solutions for every stage—from navigating newborn sleep struggles and weaning night feedings to helping your 3-year-old fall asleep independently (and stay asleep!). Whether you’re trying to make sense of daycare sleep patterns, craving your evenings back, or simply need a working mom podcast to keep you grounded, you’re in the right place.

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Scroll down for a full transcript of this episode.

256. How to Handle Loveys, Stuffed Animals, and Bedtime Stalling
Allison Egidi: Before we dive in today, I want to share a quick life update. At the time we’re recording this, it’s been a little over a week since we got hit by some sort of micro burst hailstorm. It was super intense. I definitely thought that the tornado warning that they had sent us over the phone was like coming to fruition, but apparently it was more of a micro burst.

But it did a lot of damage in our neighborhood. And I now just found out today I need to have the adjuster come out because we have so much damage to our roof. The car adjuster was already here and declared both my husband and my cars as a total loss. And they’ve told me they’re picking my car up tomorrow. So we need to buy two new cars. They are paying us a fair price for both of our cars, but both of our cars have over a hundred thousand miles on them. So obviously we are not trying to replace them with more cars with that much mileage.

And as someone who only likes to buy a car every 10 years, I was just not in the mental headspace, you guys, here at the beginning of the school year to start car shopping, to negotiate, because I’m a big negotiator, and then decide on and pull the trigger on the car that I will have for the next decade. But alas, that is what I am squeezing in here today. And it appears that I have maybe struck a deal with someone to buy a car tomorrow after like pitting four different dealerships against each other. So fingers crossed, my strategy worked, and I will be getting a new car tomorrow.

And while they didn’t all do this, I also just want to talk about how annoying it is when a salesman says, Do you need to call your husband or do you need to talk to your husband? It’s like, come on, I do not need a man to buy a car. So maybe when I buy my next car 10 years from now, salesmen will no longer be asking if we need a man to come in here and buy a car for us. Okay, so that’s my little life update slash rant for the week.

On to today’s episode, which is on a much sweeter topic of all things lovies. Whether you’re considering giving your child a lovey or have a child who already has a dozen loves in their crib, this episode is for you.

Hey there, Allison here. Welcome back to How Long ‘Til Bedtime. Today we’re talking about lovies. Specifically, how many of your toddler or child should have in their crib or their bed, what to do when the lovey situation starts getting out of hand, and a few other lovey questions and tips that I get asked about regularly. This is one of those episodes that might seem simple, but I promise it’s going to be useful, especially if you have a toddler who is currently stalling at bedtime by requesting a lovey parade before the lights go out.

Let me start with the basics because not everyone uses the word lovey. A lovey is simply a soft comfort item, typically a small stuffed animal or a soft little blanket. It’s just something small and soft that your child most often finds comforting and associates with sleep. You may also hear it called a comfort object, a security blanket, a stuffy, or just their special item. Whatever you call it, we’re talking about that item that your child reaches for when they’re tired, upset, or settling in for sleep.

So when should you introduce a lovey? Not before 12 months, or maybe I should say anytime after 12 months. Because before 12 months, soft objects in their sleep space, so in the crib, are a safe sleep risk. After 12 months, you can absolutely introduce one. But I think it’s also really important to note that you do not need to pressure your child or have expectations that your child will attach to said lovey.

Some children take to a lovey immediately and it kind of becomes their obsession, specifically around sleep. And some really don’t care at all about any sort of comfort item, and that is completely fine. And there’s also children who will ignore it for months, and then suddenly one day it becomes their BFF. I had one of these children where I think she ignored it for over a year, and then Wolfie became her BFF. So put it in the crib. You don’t need to have a lot of fanfare about it. And it doesn’t need to come with any pressure. Just let your child decide what it means to them, if anything. And if they decide that they don’t want it in their crib or in their bed, that is also totally fine.

And the next thing we need to cover is the topic of whether there is such a thing as having too many loveys. And I want to talk about this because this is a trend that I’ve been seeing lately. Toddler beds and cribs with loveys around every border. The child is just tucked in amongst the loveys. And I totally get how this happens. Your child loved one lovey and then thought another one would be even better. So it was added. And then they fell for yet another new one.

Before you know it, there are eight plus stuffed animals, maybe multiple blankets surrounding your child while they’re trying to sleep. My recommendation is to just have one to three loveys in their crib or their bed. That is it. And I’m going to tell you why. First, more loveys means more distractions. A crib full of soft toys is basically just a playroom invitation.

So instead of settling to sleep, your child may start rearranging, sorting, choosing, and playing, or keeping count to make sure they’re all there. So that’s another thing, is there’s a lot to keep track of when you have all these loveys. And even beyond that, or in addition to that, while they’re trying to keep track of all of them, the loveys can be a really powerful stall tactic. So they might notice one is missing, or suddenly they need to add their bunny. You found the bunny. But what about my bear? Found that one. And then, my gosh, I left the elephant downstairs, or heaven forbid, who knows where the elephant is, but we have to find it right now. And so now it’s been 15 minutes and you’re going back downstairs frantically looking for that dumb lovey that your child desperately needs right now in order to go to bed.

So, to avoid getting into that, you just want to set a limit, and it’s either one, two, or three. So you can just say you can have up to three loveys, and that is it. And just hold to it. It will not be a forever ongoing battle. Once you’re clear about what that limit is and you hold to it, they will settle in and accept and get comfortable with just their three loveys.

And when you’re thinking about choosing those items or having your child choose them, don’t let them bring toys into the crib. So no trucks, figurines, basically no hard objects. So something that’s plastic or has a hard edge. Hard toys are even more of a distraction and they can actually cause night wakings because when your child rolls over at 2 a.m. and that little truck jabs them in the side, they’re going to be up. And they’re going to be unhappy. So also, in addition to the limits, limit what kind of items go in there. We want soft items only.

And here’s another tip for everyone, and this might be easier said than done, but try to have the loveys only live in the crib or the bed. Ideally, they are not dragged around the house all day, but even more importantly, they are not routinely taken out of the house. Keep them in the crib or the bed. This does three things. First, it means you never have to go hunting for them at bedtime because if it never leaves that sleep space, it will always be where it needs to be when you’re tucking your child into bed. Second, it keeps the lovey kind of special and associated with sleep. When the lovey is in the crib or the bed and your child sees it at bedtime, their brain kind of gets that clear signal of, like, yes, this is one of my cues that it’s time to get ready for sleep. And third, it prevents you from the very heartbreaking stress of that lovey getting lost. I mean, have you seen those Facebook mom group posts where a mom shares a picture of their child’s lovey and is asking if anyone picked it up at the park that day or at the grocery store. Anytime I see those, my heart hurts for that kiddo and for that mom.

Now, going on vacation or a bigger trip is a different conversation, which I’ll get to in a minute. But for day-to-day life, it’s ideal if the lovey lives in the crib, but really important at a minimum to try to just keep it in the house. It shouldn’t go on your everyday adventures.

Okay, I have a few other helpful lovey tips. Let’s talk about the good old game of lovey fetch. This is a very classic toddler move. If you are already living in it, you know how it goes. Your child throws the lovey out of the crib, screams that the lovey’s out of the crib, you go back in their room and you return it. What happens next? They throw it out again. Then you return it again. And now it’s a very fun game that delays your child going to sleep or back to sleep. I should say it’s a fun game for them. Not so fun for you.

Here’s how you can end that game very quickly. At bedtime, before you leave, I want you to say to your child if you choose to throw your lovey out of the crib, that is totally okay. But I will not be coming back in to give it back to you or put it back in the crib. It’s just going to stay out on the floor until it’s morning, or you could say until the end of your nap. And then after you’ve given that heads up, you’ve got to follow through. Even if it means there are tears or a tantrum. This is not a tantrum that is an emergency. Your child is safe. They are just really ticked off that you are following through on what you said. Because here’s what I find almost universally. If you hold that boundary just for two or three days in a row, the throwing of the lovey quickly comes to an end. Because that lovey fetch game only works if you’re playing along with it. So once you stop playing, the game will end.

Sometimes when it comes to introducing a lovey, parents ask if I have a strong preference on a certain lovey, a favorite lovey. I really don’t. I don’t think there is a perfect lovey. I hear about loveys many times a day. And some it’s small blankets, some it’s a little bit larger blankets, some it’s a very specific soft animal, some it’s just some sort of soft object that’s not even like clearly a puppy or a bear. And so I hear about a lot of different types of loveys that are very loved on by their children. So when it comes to choosing a lovey, my basic guidelines would be you want it small enough to be kind of cozy and something they can easily snuggle up with or use kind of as a pillow, but not so small that it’s going to be constantly lost in the bedding. This is often a struggle we deal with with pacifiers. So you want it to be small but not tiny.

You want it to be washable because it’s going to need to be washed because hello, stomach bug. So yes, some washing just for general cleanliness. But if anyone’s been there where you hear the random vomit in the middle of the night, sometimes we quickly have to like get everything in the wash, and you want this to be an item that can be tossed in. So soft and simple. We don’t want it to be scratchy or stiff, and you want one that ideally doesn’t have eyes or buttons that can be played with until they pop off.

And I know many parents will say they bought a backup of their child’s favorite lovey. And I think that’s totally fine, but I will caution you that there is a risk your child will figure out if you’re trying to rotate in that lovey to make sure that the usage is the same on it. And if you ever need to use the backup because the original is lost, some kids are still going to reject this because I had this happen once. But there is no harm in trying to have a backup lovey because sometimes it will work, but if it’s going to just be one more thing that you’re keeping in your head, in your mental space of like trying to rotate this in, because in order for them to generally accept it, it has to have about the same amount of usage. I don’t know, I would not say this is where I would invest a lot of my time and energy.

So on the topic of losing the lovey, let’s talk about loveys and traveling. Because having the lovey on a trip can truly help your child sleep better when they’re in an unfamiliar place. It’s a piece of home that they get to bring with them. And it is that cozy reminder and trigger for sleep. But there is always a real risk of losing it or leaving it behind. And we experienced this firsthand. My younger daughter had this sweet little bunny lovey that she adored. It was the one that has like a bunny head, and then it’s kind of a blanket on the bottom. And then one year, the bunny did not make it into the suitcase when we left the beach house. We called the rental company. They claimed that housekeeping looked and it couldn’t be found. And she was devastated. There were lots of tears. This is the example when I had a backup. She was not having it. And this just became a learning moment, both for her and for us.

So we let her pick out a new lovey and then it stayed in her bed. And from that point on, before every trip, we would ask her do you want to bring Wolfie? That’s his name. Is his name. He’s still around. Do you want to bring Wolfie or do you want to bring a backup? And sometimes, still to this day, she will bring the main one, depending on what we’re doing, how far it is, how different and unique it is. That’s kind of when she needs her main guy. But then sometimes she chooses to leave that main one safe at home. And she has a backup. She has two different backups she’ll choose from. And along with having some intentional conversations with her about making the choice to bring the lovey or not and understanding there is a risk of it getting lost, I also became much more intentional about making sure to double check that the lovey was packed anytime we were packing up to leave someplace. So I am always checking on these now, basically above anything else.

Okay, last thing on loveys. Who knew we could discuss so much on a lovey. Sometimes parents of older children who feel a little self-conscious that their six, seven, eight, or even ten-year-old still sleeps with their lovey will ask me if their child is too old for a lovey. And I’ve got to tell you guys, I am fully on team lovey for as long as a child wants one. I’m no therapist, so I’ll leave the clinical nuances to them. But from where I sit and from what I see with my own kids and with children I work with, a soft comfort item that helps a child feel safe and settled when it’s time to sleep is just a wonderful thing to have at any age.

My girls are in middle school, and every summer when I pack them up for sleepaway camp that is several states away, they always make sure I’ve packed their lovey. Because when they climb into their bunk in a cabin that’s far, far from home, they can hug that lovey and know a piece of home came with them. But they are still very secure children who bravely and joyfully leave this house and sleep away at camp.

I always think about my childhood best friend who took her blanket to college. By the point she was going to college, this blanket, which we were best friends since we were two, so I have known this blanket forever, was basically a knotted up ball of scraps of the fabric because of course it gotten tears and she tied it. But it had to go with her to college. And this is making me want to ask her. I actually talked to her yesterday, but I kind of want to call her today and ask like, do we still have that blanket? I’m going to give it a 50-50 chance that she still has scraps of that. I’m going to ask and report back. But what I can confidently report out on is that she is an extremely strong, independent woman. And that is someone who took their security item all the way to college and beyond. I’m just not sure when or if it ended. In a world that can sometimes feel stressful and uncertain for kids, I think having something comforting to tuck under your arm is lovely and simple and great. So let them keep that lovey for as long as they want it.

So to wrap up, one to three loveys in the crib, soft items only, no hard toys. Ideally, the lovey lives in the crib or the bed. So it’s always there when it’s time to go to bed or down for the nap, and you’re never having to hunt around for it. Don’t engage with the throwing/slash fetching game. Set expectations once and then follow through, and the game will end. And if your child is still sleeping with their lovey at 8, 10, or beyond, let them go. It is all good. We have a lot of things that we need to solve as parents, and this is not one of them. It is a comfort that we want to protect.

If this episode was helpful, share it with a parent who is currently drowning in stuffed animals at bedtime. And as always, thanks for listening. Bye for now.