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Wondering if your child is meeting speech milestones? A speech language pathologist explains early language development, red flags, and when to seek help.

In this episode, Allison sits down with speech language pathologist Dinalynn Rosenbush to answer some of parents’ biggest questions about early speech and language development.

Together, they discuss what language milestones really mean, why online milestone charts can sometimes create unnecessary anxiety, and how parents can support speech development naturally at home.

Dinalynn explains the difference between speech sounds and language, why conversation is more valuable than talking at your child, and how to create a language-rich environment that encourages communication from infancy through the preschool years.

They also discuss common concerns with younger siblings, what to do when children become frustrated because they can’t express themselves, and why parents should trust their instincts if they feel something isn’t quite right.

Whether your child is saying their first words or beginning to speak in sentences, this conversation offers practical, reassuring guidance for supporting healthy communication development.

In this episode, you’ll learn:
— What speech and language milestones parents should watch for
— Why milestone charts can be confusing and how to interpret them
— The difference between speech sounds and language development
— How many words toddlers should be using at different ages
— How to create a language-rich home environment
— Why younger siblings sometimes talk later
— How to respond when children become frustrated trying to communicate
— Simple ways to encourage more conversation throughout the day
— When to seek a speech-language evaluation
— Why trusting your parental instincts matters

Chapter Markers:
00:00 Meet speech language pathologist Dinalynn Rosenbush
01:30 What is the “Language of Play”?
03:45 Understanding speech and language milestones
08:00 Why milestone charts can be misleading
12:30 How many words should toddlers be saying?
18:30 Why younger siblings sometimes talk later
23:30 Helping children who get frustrated communicating
26:00 Creating a language-rich home
31:00 Speech red flags parents shouldn’t ignore
34:30 Trusting your instincts and seeking help early
39:30 Where parents can learn more

Learn more about Dinalynn and her work

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Scroll down for a full transcript of this episode.

253. Early Language Milestones and When to be Concerned with Dinalynn Rosenbush
Allison Egidi: Hey there, Allison here. Welcome back to How Long ‘Til Bedtime. Today I’m talking with Dinalynn Rosenbusch. Dinalynn is a speech language pathologist and host of the Language of Play podcast. In this episode, we discuss what language milestones really mean, why online milestone charts can sometimes create unnecessary anxiety, and how parents can support speech development naturally at home.

If you have a toddler or young child, this episode is for you.

Well hi Dinalynn thank you so much for being here today. I always love to start by asking my guests what inspired them to pursue their vocation.

Dinalynn Rosenbush: That’s kind of actually a funny story because I didn’t pursue speech pathology right in the get-go. I was in college and I was taking a sampling of different classes. And then I just found myself in the communication disorders department. I liked that class. I liked that class. I’ll take another one. I’ll take another one. I’ll take another one. And then pretty soon one of the professors approached me and said, you know, you’ve nearly completed this degree. How would you declare a major?

That was it. I just was enjoying and intrigued by the topics that I found within the field. So that was it. It there was no intention. I didn’t know what a speech pathologist was before I went in. Nothing. I just was dabbling and found it.

AE: I think that’s the dreamiest way to pursue a job. So you use the phrase language of play, which is the name of your podcast. Can you explain what that means and why play is so important in when it comes to building communication?

DR: Absolutely. Okay, so how I would think I’m going to answer this is if you let’s try something. If I have you pause for a minute, and listeners, you can do this too. Just take a deep breath. And I’m going to say some words to you, and I want you to think about how your body feels when I say these words. Discovery, creativity, exploration, play, fun, enjoyment designing. Okay, so you think of those words. And what does your body feel like?

AE: Excited.

DR: Yeah, you’re kind of excited, but you’re also kind of relaxed and you’re moving forward. It’s kind of like a lean in forward kind of feel. Now, when you think of those kind of words, that is how I’m defining play. I mean, there’s a whole list. I have like, you know, multiple, multiple words on that list that I think of when I think about my years of experience working with children, and I know the brain involvement behind the scenes because of my speech pathology background.

I realize that their mindset, what they live in, how their brain is operating from the get-go is in that space of explore, discover, create, wonder, awe, experiment, everything that they do in their world is defined by these kind of words. And when we talk with them using language that reflects where their brain is at, in that wonder, that awe, we connect deeper. We connect quicker and we can teach better faster.

And this is the method that I would use when I would teach my students in the speech pathology. And people would comment to me, How’d you do that so fast? How are you able to correct, you know, an R or something like that without them even realizing it? You know, like what is it you’re doing? And this is this is what I do. And so I decided that, well, I want to teach parents. How do you get behind the eyes of your child to be able to teach them in the way their brain naturally operates. And that is using the language of play. Yeah.

AE: I love that. Well, I thought we would dive in to the topic that I think all parents are curious about, and that is language milestones. So, can you talk about the different milestones that you look for when it comes to babies and toddlers? And should they be saying a certain number of words or certain phrases with a certain number. And what’s your kind of perspective on some of these big early language milestones that parents are hearing about when they go to the pediatrician?

DR: That is a great, great, great question. Because, like in your field, a pediatrician isn’t trained in my field. They have knowledge that they find online because, like in your field, they’re trained just a little bit in a couple of hours. And in speech and language development, it’s the same way. They’re not trained in speech and language development, but they do have access to the same charts, the same grids that you do. And then they operate off that. So when people are told to go to their pediatrician, they’re getting the same information they can find online.

Now here’s the other thing. Just last week I taught a class to a bunch of parents that were asking the same thing about milestones. And so I went online the day of the class and pulled up what are parents finding today? Like what is the what is out there today? Because it changes all the time. And I pulled up grids that were unmarked by, you know, like we don’t know who put it up there. It was there was no identification of who put it up. And I thought, that’s just that’s not true. And then I found some grids that were marked as this is 50% of kids have these sounds right, and another grid or chart that was 90% of kids have it these sounds right. Well those were very different charts, weren’t they? Because one of them is marking where 50% of children get a sound or a certain language skill. And the other one was marking where 90% get a sound or a skill. So here’s what I say to parents when they are looking up their own charts.

Look for a chart that is written by a speech pathologist. Find a chart that has a description of what actually are you looking at. It should be embedded in the chart. Or it’s sometimes it’s just a graphic. But if the explanation of what it actually means is not written there, let that one go and look for one that tells you what you’re actually looking at. That way you can get it better. What I find with parents is that they look at a chart and let’s say the chart has this grid or this space that it’s colored in, or or let me take a different one for example. The common one I see is like the numbers for ages, and then on the numbers you have sounds. Parents tend to think, if BMN P is listed in three, I shouldn’t expect my kids to have it before three. But that’s entirely wrong. A chart where it’s there in three is going to be one of these 90% of kids have it at that point kind of chart. But many, many toddlers, many infants, when they’re first babbling, they’re saying those sounds before they actually have words.

So we want to remember that by the time a child gets those sounds, they have been hearing those sounds and they’ve probably been saying those sounds, and we hope that that is the case. Right? We look at those charts as as more like red flag charts. If your child hasn’t achieved these sounds by this age yet, than consider it to be more of a red flag chart. And then that’s when you should ask for some help. Call somebody like me or another speech path. Talk to somebody who understands speech and language development. So we can say, okay. So now we have reached the area where we’re at this red flag. Now I really want to take the time and dig into what might be wrong. Or and maybe it’s not something wrong. Maybe it’s just that we need to tease apart what is going on because sometimes if it’s second language learning, I’ve had lots of parents come to me where they’re teaching two or three languages in a home. And yeah, it’s going to you know, language is going to come a little bit slower because there’s so much go learning going on. But it doesn’t mean there’s an actual delay. So there’s a lot of factors at play in.

AE: And are you looking, you keep mentioning sounds, which makes me curious. Are you focused on, let’s just say, an 18 month old? Are you focused on sounds or words?

DR: Okay, so I I do focus on language and on sounds. It was just easier to explain the idea of what you find online using sounds. But let me say that with language, you asked the question about length of sentences. The easiest way that I tell parents about sentence length would be the averages that equal to their age. Now this is not exactly right. As children get older, it’s a little bit bigger, but this is kind of a place to aim for.

A child of one should say one word on average at a time. A child of two on average should say two words at a time, which does mean they say one word sentences and zero word sentences and five word sentences occasionally, right? Just kind of falls out of them. And three is three, four is four, five is five. It never works beyond that. Five is actually something like five point six four, you know. But anyway, it’s you know, if you just kind of think of the first five years as that.

That helps you remember that the average length of sentence should be about their age. Now you ask about an 18-month-old. And 18 when peer parents come to me and they have a one and a half year old, they’re often kind of stuck in the middle of, well, what should they be doing? And what I will say is, whatever they’re doing right now, you know, you’ve got the charts for the red flags, but whatever they’re doing right now, keep pouring that language-rich environment into them. Continue to build their vocabulary. Continue to use books. Continue to use toys. Talk about everything with your child. The place where parents sometimes make mistakes is this idea of thinking that they need to talk at their child. But what we want to do is that bouncing back and forth of language so that I say something and you say something, and it goes back and forth.

And that requires a parent to be quiet and pause and wait for the child to catch up. They process slower than we do. And we need to go at the pace at which they process. So that’s a big, big part of when I work with parents, teaching parents to not talk at the pace I’m talking with you right now. Slow. Yes. To the pace of the child.

AE: Slow it down.

Well, as you were talking, the other thing that came to mind, specifically around 18 months, is when I took my youngest to her 18 month checkup, they kind of raised the red flag. And I cannot remember if she had no words or just a few, but they were like, She should have more words. And my older daughter was a chatty Kathy, right out of the gate, always talking. And fast forward now, they’re 11 and 12.
My older daughter is an extreme extrovert, and my younger daughter is an extreme introvert. And we ended up not needing intervention and she took off and is thriving. But as you were talking, I was curious your thoughts on do sometimes introverts just talk a little bit later or not as much as we might think they are because they’re observing more than talking?

DR: I don’t know the stats on that. However, that’s not where my mind would go first. My mind at first, my mind is going to go to that your older daughter being the chatty Kathy that you say she is, she simply did all the work. And your second one didn’t need to. The work had already been done. And so she was still learning. She was still absorbing. This is a very good example of how somebody can hit the red flag, but not actually be a red flag.

Because we look for, do they actually comprehend? Can they actually say these things? Can they actually do these things we’re looking for length of sentence? And if your older daughter is doing the work, she’s just fine. Yeah, she did just didn’t need to. So it’s not, I wouldn’t I like I said, I don’t know stats on introversion and extroversion related to early language, but my first thought is not that it’s that.

AE: Yes, and her sister would talk for her. Her sister talked for her all the time.

DR: Exactly. And that happens in a lot of families. The unfortunate thing is when those second children don’t learn to speak, like their natural talent of beginning to speak would be something that was stifled because they didn’t have the practice because they were a child that needed practice. Whereas your child, a second child, apparently was able to learn by observation and maybe talking with her toys was her practice.

AE: She is a great player. She’s always been a fantastic independent player where she does play actively with her toys and my older daughter did not, which is also interesting. So there was a lot of talking on her own with her toys.

DR: Exactly. So she had her practice, but she did it her own way and it was fine. So she got her practice. When you have a child that is a second, third, whatever child and they don’t actually practice a lot with toys, and they’re not practicing with you, and other children are talking over them, then you do need to look at that as more of a red flag. Because we know that they need practice, but it doesn’t really matter where the practice happens.

AE: So what do you recommend for those families who are listening right now and thinking, my gosh, that might be the situation in our house with my second, third or fourth child? What do you recommend they do to encourage language development for their child who doesn’t have to do the talking because other kids in the house are?

DR: Yeah, it’s so important and it’s so common. And I regularly, I mean, this is a question that comes about often. And I we talk about strategies where you can say pause and use hand signals for your older children and teach the children when to pause, how to listen, how not to interrupt, you know, how to wait. And you teach them also, you know, so that’s one skill is this pause, wait, listen type of skill. But the other skill is an emotional skill really.

And helping your children understand then that if he’s not able to practice, or if the younger one is not able to practice, you’re harming them. You’re hurting them. You’re not allowing them to learn. And so when children start to see it through the lens of, I’m causing some harm. I’m not helping. I thought I was helping, because of course they mean to help. They’re trying to help. But if you can help them understand that the best help they can give is by being patient and waiting, which by the way is the hardest way to help. But if they can learn that they are helping more by waiting and being quiet so that the younger has a chance to speak and practice, then it takes practice, but they will easily get on board typically, because children by nature seem to want to help their siblings and themselves and you they they’re helpful.

AE: Makes lot of sense. And what about the young children who want to communicate something, but they’re struggling to do that and they’re getting frustrated that they aren’t able to express themselves? What language or response do you recommend parents use to help reduce that frustration and to build confidence and help them through those moments?

DR: Sure. So one is have that language rich environment all around them at all times. And what a language-rich environment is, is an environment where we welcome and support it with language. What are you doing? Talking about how you felt, what did happen, what is happening. So there’s all of that. So that’s one piece that happens regardless of this frustration time. And then when a child does have these tantrums of communication frustration is what I call it. To help them by asking them, can you show me? Because little ones, you know, we’re if we’re talking 18 months before, you we’re talking about three and unders, if they don’t have the language, maybe they can bring you, maybe they can show you. And then you can communicate with objects and with pictures in a way to help them be understood.

The other thing would be that pause and relax and say, Let’s try again. And the child’s reaction to their own frustration will hinge off of my reaction to their frustration, right? So if I get anxious because they’re anxious, I’m multiplying their anxiety. If I get mad because they’re mad, I’m multiplying their anger. You know, if we can stay in a space of calm, curiosity, and I love to word use the word curiosity to always when you’re working with your child, what did you mean by that? Show me more, tell me more.

And tell me more is probably one of my favorite phrases with kids because you’re not actually asking a question, you’re just giving them a command and getting out. Tell me more. And most kids will start to tell you more. And if they can’t tell it, they’ll show more. And you say, show me more. So there’s a few things. One, that language rich environment all the time, because that when they have that tantrum and you need to have them tell you more or show you, you’ve already had the experience of it in your language rich environment. So they have some kind of foundation. And

AE: In the language rich environment, what are kind of the three or four key things to making your household a language rich environment?

DR: One is that questions are always welcome. It doesn’t matter what the question is or the topic is, questions are always welcome. Another one is that you are going back and forth in conversation in any topic. Another one would be that you narrate, well, like for your very young ones that aren’t speaking, you narrate for them what’s happening and you fill in those blanks. Another one would be let’s say you’re using literature. And your child doesn’t actually sit for a book. They don’t want to really pay attention to the book. But can you find the pictures within the book that they’ll talk about? And it doesn’t matter if you never turn the page and you’re going to talk about one page in the book. And you talk many times about the one page in the book because it’s about building in language for what they’re paying attention to.

So if you’re so that and that probably is the biggest key, even though I started with these other things. It matters what your child is paying attention to and that’s what you’re actually talking about with everything that I’ve said. And that makes it language rich. If you’re talking about something they’re not paying attention to, it’s no longer language rich for them.

AE: And I’m curious when we talk about the red flags, what is the one red flag that you wish every parent knew about or that you see missed most often that the pediatrician isn’t catching or that the parents aren’t finding in the chart? Is there kind of one where you think, I would just wish every parent knew to look for this?

DR: I think in that I would go for I pro I lean towards speech sounds actually because once you s once I start to talk with parents about speech sounds, I can talk about words within it. And then we naturally expand our words whenever we talk about speech sounds. But when we talk about words, they it’s harder to make the leap to sounds. So anyway, I think that the mistake, and I wish all parents knew, was this idea of thinking that kids get sounds at certain ages. There are no sounds that are only achieved at a certain age. Every sound has been produced by some one year old. You know, there aren’t sounds that are reserved for older kids. And I every day I hear somebody say to me something like, but he’s not going to have that sound till he’s later, till he’s later in his development. And I think it’s common. But it’s not a requisite. It’s not a thing that is a black or white.

So if parents realized how they could start talking in the background of their child’s life, producing what sounds and words and types of sentences are needed, that the children will naturally learn some of these skills along the way just by listening. When parents learn, okay, so at this age, I should be saying these sounds correctly. Okay. And I’m going to use this sentence structure correctly. Even though my child says, me want milk, you’re going to say, Yes, you want some milk, or I want some milk, please. You know, you’re giving one or two words beyond, but when they’re saying it with wrong sounds, you’re actually adding in the sounds too. So it’s this idea of repeating back to the child what they need, feeding the background.

But the window for all of that seems to be sounds. It seems to be the thing that parents judge about sounds. Interesting. Yeah. And but yet if I think about importance, it’s language. If I think about that which is most important, it’s communicating and it’s language. But it doesn’t seem to be the window that brings more people to me.

AE: And so what is your advice for a parent who is feeling anxious about where their child is with their sounds and their words and their overall speech? And how do you obviously you’ll have some pediatricians, they’ll go to their pediatrician and say, I want additional help. And that pediatrician will help them. And then you’ll have some pediatricians who will say, You’re good. Just wait. How do you suggest those parents advocate for their child or find the resources? Sometimes we know our children need additional help, but then it’s hard to know even where to begin.

DR: Okay. So first that part of that is moms and dads, trust your gut. Really truly, I very much believe that that if you have that niggle inside of you that says, I think something’s wrong, you’ve got to listen to it. And no matter what the pediatrician or your school or anybody says, if you feel like you need to pursue more, then you pursue more. Now, where do you go? It would be people like me, it’d be speech pathologists. If it’s a speech and language related issue. You can go to your school system, you can call me at the language of play. There’s other speech pathologists that are online. And some of us focus on teaching the child and whereas I focus on now teaching parents.

So in my work, I have a day job, my work job, I am helping kids still. But in my business, the language of play, I’m helping parents so that you know what to do at home with your kiddos. So that you can advance their speech and language skills naturally in your home environment. So if you have been turned down by the school or the or your speech pathologist or pediatrician, and you get shut down and you don’t know how can I help my child because they’re not qualifying, people say they can’t test him because he’s within the norm. Realize that within the norm doesn’t mean that he’s doing well. It means that he’s not so far outside the norm that he’s going to get speech and language therapy. So yeah.

AE: To this because my daughter, slightly different, but didn’t know how to read at the end of first grade. And the response I got from the school, she didn’t know the sounds of the alpha many of the letters in the alphabet. And I kept saying, This isn’t right. And they said, but there are tons of kids in her grade that don’t know how to don’t know the sounds and don’t know how to read. And I remember thinking, that doesn’t make me feel better. This just does not seem like the right answer. You’re just telling me all the kids don’t know how to read, which wasn’t that extreme, but they said, Well, she’s not the only one, there’s a lot. And then we switched schools and they switched her to phonics based reading, which was teaching her the sounds. And by the end of second grade, she was the top of her class for reading. But it was that similar kind of my gut, yeah. The school system was telling me, don’t worry, lots of kids are in this situation. And my gut was telling me, I know I’m not an educator or a reading specialist, but I think she should know some more sounds and be able to do some reading. And so I totally relate to what you just said that sometimes we just know it’s right.

DR: Right. And on that note, I absolutely think that was a fantastic example because the same thing happens in our speech and language development for our kids. And in Minnesota, the gatekeeper would be two standard deviations below the mean. What that means is let’s say you give a test to two different children, one of them scores a seventy, and one of them scores a seventy-one. The seventy is going to get into my program as speech disabled. The 71 does not because they didn’t score low enough.

But there is no difference between those two kids. And I don’t have the power to override the state law. So in, you know, and then you can go to private practice, and then you may or may not get in because there’s so few speech pathologists in our nation to be able to serve the need. That is exactly why I started the language of play, because these kids need help. And I know that parents can do it because I’ve been teaching parents for 15 years. And I know that parents can do it when they know how to do it.

But yes, follow your gut. And if you get turned down because, hey, the law says this particular person cannot help you in this environment because it’s a disability service or whatever the reason, follow your gut and don’t wait. Never, never wait. Because if you were to teach a one year old something that they need, you’re going to get it in weeks. If you’re, you know, like if there isn’t a disability, they just don’t know how, you know, like disability depending on the severity does make things a little bit different. But it generally, if you’re going to teach a one-year-old, it takes weeks. If you’re going to take teach a three-year-old, it takes some months. And if you’re going to teach a seven-year-old, you’re closer to a, you know, a year or two. But it might be the same skill. Mm-hmm. You know, like I’m just grabbing that out of the air because obviously that varies a lot. It’s a it’s the idea of it that I want you to learn. You know, that it takes longer the older the child is. So don’t wait and see. Don’t wait to fail. Don’t wait to get the help.

Because if you as a mom and dad can learn how to support that from the back end, your child might not have to go through all those years of struggling. And like you in the grades, they wouldn’t have to wait till the end of first grade to realize they’re struggling if they had been taught in a way their brain understood, which for your daughter, she must I’m going to take a guess that she was taught a whole language approach to reading. And for her, her brain worked better with a phonics based approach to reading. And voila.

AE: It was the queuing. It was the queuing system that they were teaching her through queuing rather than phonics based.

DR: Okay. Yeah, there’s a lot of different systems people use for teaching reading. And the one with the strongest background is Phonics.

AE: Right, exactly.

DR: Yeah. But there are many other approaches people use that do work for many kids.

AE: Right. Yeah. And it’s the flip side of that was with my eighteen month old, my younger daughter, when the pediatrician was kind of saying, I think we have a problem, something in my gut made me think, I don’t think we have a problem. And we didn’t. She developed just fine. And so I think your point of parents should trust themselves to know whether they need additional help and you know, go with that. And I love even learning about speech pathology in the sense that I don’t think just how we expect our pediatricians to know everything and it’s not fair, we also shouldn’t expect ourselves to know everything. Right. And we don’t have to be the expert in how to teach our children language when there are other resources out there. So I just love talking to other experts and hearing what they focus on because I think it’s important for parents to at least understand what resources are out there if they choose to seek them out.

DR: Yes, absolutely. I want to add one more thing to that. And that is if a mom and dad are thinking, I think there might be something wrong. And the voice inside of your head is, but I think I can do it. And the shift was switching to yourself in your focal point, whether or not you’re capable or you can, versus in your gut, what’s okay for your child or not. You listen to your gut and not the ego of, I think I can. You know, like the idea that, and I’ve been guilty of this where I don’t want to ask for help for certain things because I think I can, and then I wait and I wait and I wait because I think I can. I encourage people to just go get those answers because really that is us wanting to be tough enough or strong enough, which our culture is telling us we must be and we must do and we must be end all to everything, or we’re not good enough. And that is so wrong. But that feeds the idea inside of our heads that we aren’t good enough. But you are. You are so good enough as you are, and you are n just like you said, not expected to know everything.

AE: Right. This is what I tell my kids all the time. I’ll say, I learned something new today. If I’m going to change how I’m approaching something, I’ll say, I learned something new today because you will not believe it. Moms and dads are not born knowing how to do all things related to parenting. And they always roll their eyes or laugh and I say, But no better, do better. So now do something else because I’ve learned. But I do not have that issue.

Once actually we conquered sleep, whenever I’m in doubt, I just go look for the expert. I’m like, I do not need to spin my wheels for two years on this pain point when there is someone out there who has this knowledge. And even with the reading, they would sometimes send stuff home from school, which I would try to work with her on. But I eventually thought, this is ridiculous. I am not a reading expert. I need to move her somewhere with someone who can teach her the skills she needs because it was absolutely not my strong point. And she and I were really butting heads on it because I probably was not using the most encouraging language and supporting her in a way that made her curious about reading. So I think, you know, when things are not coming naturally, I’m all for finding the right resource.

DR: Yeah. And we’ve all been there. We all will continue to be there. Even with my adult children and my grandchildren, they ask me things and I say, I don’t know. Like you, I’m not an expert in sleep. And so I just talk to my kids who have kids and I just tell them, we need to talk to a sleep expert like Allison, because I don’t know that. Yeah.

AE: Well, this has been so great. Thank you so much for joining me. How can listeners find you and learn more about your work.

DR: Thank you for asking that. I am at the Language of Play podcast, and from the podcast you have all the information in the show notes where you can connect with me.

AE: Well, I will be sure to share that in our show notes so people can easily find you. And thanks again for sharing all of your knowledge with us. This has been awesome. All right. Bye for now.

DR: Thank you so much. Bye bye.