3 Keys to Handling Nighttime Fears
A little over a month ago, my 3.5 year old woke up screaming after a terrible nightmare about monsters. It was unnerving to see her so distraught, but I took a deep breathe and followed my 3 keys to handling nighttime fears. (affiliate links included below)
After writing about the difference between a nightmare and a night terror, I received a lot of questions on how best to handle nighttime fears. And then my own child had a terrible nightmare episode. A child who is afraid certainly needs the love and comfort of their parents. How you respond can influence your child’s feelings on nightmares and general fears. I highly recommend having an idea about how you plan to respond so you can think calmly when you are suddenly woken up in the middle of the night by a distraught child.
Nighttime fears can be fueled by a nightmare or by the imagination. Almost every preschooler will go through a period of being afraid. A show or a book that mentions being afraid of the dark or monsters is enough to trigger nighttime fears. A friend from school mentioning being afraid at night can certainly lead your little one to believe they may have reason to be concerned.
Here are the most important things you need to keep in mind when handling nighttime fears.
1. Understand if it’s true fear or an excuse. True fear is pretty hard to miss. Your child will likely be shaking and crying. They will not be able to calmly tell you what the problem is. Bedtime stall tactics or an excuse to wake you up doing the night will often be done with whining and maybe frustrated crying, but not shaking and hysteria.
It’s not uncommon for a child to have a true fear event, then realize being afraid quickly got your attention and sympathy (as it should!)… and then “being afraid” becomes their new go-to excuse for not going to bed on time or for waking you up during the night. You always want to respond to fear, but you want to avoid playing into fake fear.
2. Acknowledge your child’s fear and share the truth. If your child wakes in hysterics and tells you they are scared, you want to quickly and calmly acknowledge their fear. “I know you are feeling scared of monsters right now.” And then you want to tell them the TRUTH. “I know you are scared, but you don’t need to be scared because monsters are not real. Monsters are only pretend. There are no real monsters. You can feel safe sleeping in your own bed because there are no monsters and mommy and daddy are always here for you.”
Remember, no looking under the bed for monsters or using monster spray. That only fuels the idea that a monster could actually exist.
3. Change the story. Help your child think about something more positive. “Do you know what I do when I get worried about something at night? I think about something I love… like going to the beach. What’s something you can think about that you love?” If your child doesn’t think of something on their own, give them some ideas. Then stay with them until they are calm. Once your child is calm, give them a kiss and leave the room.
If they are still anxious, encourage them to hug their favorite lovey. I know many preschoolers who have found this soothing seahorse
When your child wakes up afraid, take a deep breath and reminded myself that they are safe in their room and it’s our job to assure them of that. Since the night my daughter woke in hysterics, we’ve chatted a few times about thinking of something we love when we get worried or nervous. She now has a head full of happy ideas and continues to happily sleep in her own bed.